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Messages - WhiteFang

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1
Blue Exorcist (Manga) / Re: Spoiler moping thread
« on: November 28, 2017, 11:35:57 PM »
this is the calm before the storm, isn't it?

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Blue Exorcist (Manga) / Re: Crack theories
« on: November 19, 2017, 11:09:24 PM »
I think a super crack theory at this point, given the whole situation with the time-stamps, would be that Yukio is actually using the insanity as a facade, *let* himself be caught on purpose, and eventually plans to defect as well (to the Illuminati) to meet this sort of ultimate end of not only exorcising himself of Satan, but wrecking the Illuminati from the inside in the process (dying as a martyr himself). I just wouldn't put it past his demented ego and clever dick self, is all I'm sayin'. And it would be quite the twist, though perhaps a bit too similar with the whole act he put up with Shura. Then again, the whole atmosphere there, I see part of that as blatant foreshadowing where the next time he goes against his friends and Rin, he's actually going to mean it instead of faking it. Kind of rambled away there, but who knows.

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Social Talk / Re: Gender of the fans
« on: November 19, 2017, 11:02:12 PM »
Methinks the disproportionate number of female AoEx fans overall is owed to the fact that Rin is a freakin' fandom CHICK MAGNET. There is a crazy number of fans who think Rin is either the perfect boyfriend (Rin x OC on every. goddamn. page. of FF.net) or self-identify with Rin (the genderbend "Rin is a girl" that's a thinly veiled self-insert).

Then there's the Yukio fan contingent.

(click to show/hide)

But the STEM fans *shrug* I dunno, I think it's just a subset of older female fans who are willing to write a lot. There's a fair portion of older employed fans here too that aren't necessarily STEM.

i haven't trawled as much through AnEx's category on ff.net. perhaps i should. overall though, i think you caught something there when you said that perhaps the STEM subset of the larger set of female fans is perhaps more noticeable here because they tend to write more. being descriptive is a side-effect of the "job" or "education", one could imagine... :P oftentimes though i have found that academic writing severely saps my ability to write creatively/analytically for other things (fanfics or forums)

@justicecadet:

i totally agree, i didn't think i would feel so comfy on a forum again right off the bat. there was a medium-sized Naruto forum i frequented during my younger years for around seven years or so, and grew incredibly close to the people there. sort of fell off forumland since after that place shut down. but it feels very good to be here, because this board has the whole "forum/place to chill for people with lives" vibe going strong.

totally second the opinion about vitriol on the internet.

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Social Talk / Re: Smalltalk
« on: November 19, 2017, 09:24:11 PM »
@justicecadet:

i definitely should be able to, i think! and i know it can feel far off, but it's my homeland (or well, very close to it). it'll be hard at first, but i'm hill-blooded, so to speak, so i should be able to manage!

now or five years later, that's pretty much the only difference i see. i am going to make myself do this.

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Social Talk / Re: Smalltalk
« on: November 19, 2017, 02:16:16 PM »
@WF
I don't know your situation or abilities well enough to offer advice but I can recount a bit of what happened to me.
Due to some serious depression and anxiety I finished my Bachelor degrees but had no further plans. I have sort of gotten my self back on track but I'm still struggling to re-rail myself after I completely dived off the course. It isn't impossible, it's just challenging. Since you called it an "existential crisis," your thoughts and emotions may change over time. I mean, it's okay to make a radical change even if you know it'll be temporary, it'll just be hard if you ever want to reenter the institution.

But I certainly see the appeal of living a more austere life. I would love that but I don't think I'm nearly self sufficient enough (ex. my kitchen sink backed up and it has become a long and involved process/I need help). And I don't need a large space to live but it would be nice to have a house one day. And in my old age (lol) I've become more consumerist. I'm trying to get out of that habit but then I keep preordering anime bullshit (I want to support arts I like still).

Do you have plans in motion for your post-masters life style? Where to live or job leads?
there aren't very many to speak of, lol. xD for the degrees themselves i have a four year bachelor's in chemical engineering, and now my masters is in chemistry for renewable energy. again, you're right about the difficulty of being able to re-enter the institution. that "fear" so to speak is what has kept me "here" so long. my question right now is if i should let these security driven instincts and societal conditioning drive my choices.

I don't have a very set plan (but when have I ever?) but I have begun to explore options. I sent my first email to a school yesterday. This one: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Druk_White_Lotus_School

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Social Talk / Re: Gender of the fans
« on: November 19, 2017, 01:43:13 PM »
I feel like this definitely needs some investigating! Why does AnEx (this forum) have an unusually high incidence of STEM females? xD is it that from the pool of long term stalkers, only female STEMs decide to join, subconsciously drawn in by a sort of self-similarity?

7
Social Talk / Re: Gender of the fans
« on: November 19, 2017, 01:45:21 AM »
W-Wait! Earthforge is a FEMALE?! Why am I noticing this topic only now? lol

(do you mind if when I'm checking the forum and come across something from you (earthforge) I think to myself "Oh, here's something from Earthy *cough cough* I just think it to myself, I'm typing it for the first time)

But, anyway, I dunno why but I never could guess your gender. I mainly assumed you were a boy. The thing is, I know a boy who has a blog with a lot of posts the type you reblog on tumblr (not the same posts, just the type) and so I kinda associated you to a boy.

Anyway, I'm a girl (actually a woman, but screw it, I feel like I still am 16 yrs old)

oh, i am a girl as well. technically woman or whatever, just like you, but screw it. XD

i own an androgynous mind v___v

8
Social Talk / Re: Smalltalk
« on: November 19, 2017, 01:43:10 AM »
'pologies if i get a bit deep here, i appreciate your time/response/patience :)

@whitefang
So are you thinking you want to completely leave the field of STEM/research?
at least as it's setup at the moment - i'm planning to leave the institution of STEM/research (universities, companies, etc.)

i am definitely not going to leave my beloved books or the concepts and equations that drew me into the sciences to begin with. part of me loves experimentation, which i will inevitably be deprived of with what i am about to do (can't buy million dollar lasers by myself), but it's a sacrifice i am willing to make. thankfully my interests are broad enough to be purely theoretical, so i would be more than happy working on those things on my own time, and keeping up on literature as and when needed through a few trusted friends. if at all i manage to do something "useful" with my life of solitude, i'll (happily) communicate it, and that's that.

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or maybe incorporate it into your teaching? How much more time is left for your masters?
i plan to teach young kids, so i wouldn't think i'd be imparting any such specialised knowledge to them. the teaching is just something to do to earn just enough money to sustain my (anyway austere) lifestyle, while doing something light and meaningful.

i finish in June 2018, so there's well over six months left.

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Just think about it for a while. Almost anywhere you go to work, as long as there is another person, there will be interpersonal conflict. It sucks but it's true.
you're absolutely right about that. in my case it's about abandoning "work" and "civilization" altogether, as far as possible, since the whole thing stems from an existential crisis more than an inherent problem with academia (which also exists, but it's just part of larger systemic problem). it's humans themselves, the system(s) we have set up and having watched my own corruption as a result.

i'd rather peacefully study the same things for years and grasp them in new, beautiful ways each time i think about them, instead of getting bludgeoned into finding something "new" and cranking out pubs, attending conferences and so on.

so the idea is to minimize this so-called work contact, if you will. where i plan to go, if everything works out, the people are really simple, development is still very scarce, and they deeply appreciate anyone coming in to help teach these young, impoverished children who otherwise don't have a shot at a good education. it's a very unconventional and difficult life. some towns can stay cut off from the world for months at a time, due to heavy snows n' such. the people may not be scientists and you could argue, not intellectually stimulating by extension - but i'm rather looking for love and harmony; the rest will fall in place by itself.

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(click to show/hide)
But also if you figure out the solution let me know lol. I would love to still have a STEM job but leave a lot of this behind.
lololol, that quote. XD and i mean i totally understand and resonate with your sentiment here -- and it's a hard decision for me, believe me. the other road is really really difficult. but after having spent basically the last four years having way too many moments of, "gods i just need to leave all this and run away, away to the mountains, from everything, and just reclaim myself, understand my own being." i believe it's an itch better scratched, no matter the way it leads. at least that way, i have no regrets.

i don't think it's a solution in any way, of course, for anyone who desires basically anything material from life (car, house, etc.), or even wishes to have / setup a family, still relates with the fabric of global humanity (wants to change stuff, believes in good/evil), etc. i'm pretty much a monk in disguise by this point. i have been blessed enough to have an incredibly understanding family who have emotionally and financially supported me every step of the way (so i actually have practical motivations to earn that are...next to nothing, but i need some basics to live/survive, and then just the little bit extra).

also i haven't actually encountered toxicity in academia in the real sense. in fact, my current guide is a kind of insulation angel. he's the one making this decision far harder than what it should be, because i know for a fact that i won't encounter a man like him twice. at the same time, i see that...well, so five years with him, and then what? i'd end up doing what i am about to do now, but just do it five years later, possibly having lost more hair, and also very likely lacking the resolve to take such an extreme step. stability can induce such things, it's human nature after all.

9
Social Talk / Re: Smalltalk
« on: November 18, 2017, 10:24:56 PM »
so just posting this here because i feel like i need a place to put it down (and cause there seem to be a lot of people from research/academia here)

so i decided that the dog-eat-dog world academia has become is not worth my time, effort, health, stress, sanity or anything on those lines. i'm going to chill and finish my masters, and then quit this awful civilization of anthropocentric pseudo-narcissists (in corporate or academia - their expression may be different, foundationally the need for recognition and ego-pleasing is the same: the former is material, the latter is intellectual) to go to a quiet place in the mountains, still largely untouched my civilisation, and spend time studying on my own and sustaining myself by teaching young children at the local public school

i feel so free today

freer than i have ever felt in my life

10
Social Talk / Re: A Character Most Like You
« on: November 17, 2017, 04:05:58 PM »
I've related with a lot of characters in my history of anime watching. I guess it also varies wildly depending on my overall state at a given point - eh, perhaps I *am* a chameleon of some sort. :P

Overall personality wise though, I fit Rukia from Bleach quite a lot, and then Ruby from RWBY (both looks and personality). They sum me up in a nutshell, in many ways, simple minded, sometimes bullheaded to a fault, etc. But I do have deeper philosophical and nihilistic baggage that I definitely do carry around a lot of the time, with a sense of total isolation and sort of passive apathy, borderline arrogance. Then I can be likened to Makishima from Psycho-Pass.

Although I don't share a lot of his traits, I can empathise strongly with Yukio in AnEx. Also Rin. I'm like a strange hybrid of their antagonistic traits, with some Lightening thrown in there. It's very funny.

11
Social Talk / Re: Gender of the fans
« on: November 17, 2017, 03:49:16 PM »
Whoa, I hadn't expected such a skewed ratio! xD I do wonder why this is?

12
Social Talk / Re: Smalltalk
« on: November 17, 2017, 03:46:58 PM »
Don't know your situation, earthforge, and i'm no expert on these matters. for what it's worth, i'd like to say that you should do whatever feels most true to yourself. i mean to say, one can feel polarized one way or the other (hold on/let go) and so forth, but one doesn't have to be. do what feels right for yourself in that moment, and you're also always free to change your mind later.

it's always seen as a certain amount of admirable "grit" in holding on or fighting through, or there is seen prudent wisdom in acts of letting go - but those are just connotations we attach. in the highest sense, you're free to do exactly as you wish, beholden only to yourself. never forget that! :) i wish for better times and clarity for you, and a path which brings contentment.

13
Other Manga & Anime / Re: RWBY
« on: November 17, 2017, 03:23:12 PM »
So after this thread and an IRL friend bugging me to watch it, I bingewatched this show this weekend. General thoughts:
Yaaay! Someone who has seen what are basically my two favourite things to watch these days! <3

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Volume 1 - Honestly, this part was difficult to get through, because the story was incoherent and the eyes looked really plasticky, but GODDAMN the fight scene animations were incredibly unique and I've never seen anything quite like.
Ditto! Apart from this, somehow to me, I remember, even way back then, the show just seemed to have a "heart", if you will. A sort of abstract thing I am always drawn to, in shows. The choreography was totally something else -- it's sad so many people in my life just write off cartoons, otherwise, stuff like Players and Pieces, I have such an instinctive urge to share it. I still watch that episode from time to time. Stupid, cliche, textbook humour, one hell of a battle sequence, and an amazing soundtrack in the background I related very much with.
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Volume 2 - Pretty darn good, started actually giving a coherent story and character motivations. Best fight animations ever, and professor Oobleck is a total fav.
Oz fan here, but Oobleck is a close, super duper close second.

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Volume 3 - Welp. I didn't need my heart anyways.
Totally loved how real it got, and how I could hate and love fictional villains all at the same time. Also them Salem chills. It's probably my favourite volume.

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Volume 4 - Gave me positive flashbacks to watching Inuyasha as a kid. Really enjoyable, and all the animation / story bugs seem worked out.
This is where it got hard for me. I still loved the story and the characters, but couldn't get used to the new animation style and the fight sequences seemed to lack what made RWBY, RWBY. The facial expressions felt unnatural a lot of the time.

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Volume 5 is looking to be really interesting! My favs are Jaune, Pyrrha, Yang and Blake. I also really like Qrow -- Vic Mignogna is great at gruff drunk badasses, he should play em more.

*collapses from lack of sleep due to marathoning*
xDDD I'm struggling with the same thing that i did in V4, but I am too invested in the story to let of the show now. So that's that I suppose. My favs are/were Oz, Qrow, Ruby, Weiss, Yang, and Blake (though i have love/hate swings for her). The first one is half-Oscar now, and the second one has a death flag all over him. T_T I hate this whole "student grows after mentor's death" stuff because it'll sacrifice my fav drunkle.

@Cherub:

I'm pretty much the same with the account. We now get to see it three days later though, I think?

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Blue Exorcist (Manga) / Re: Chapter 95 discussion (raws)
« on: November 17, 2017, 02:57:10 PM »
It was one heck of a ride reading both chapters together (94 & 95). Could read AnE just for Angel's hair tbh :P

I have a lot to say, but overall, I think I'm not looking forward to next chapter (i mean of course i am, but...) because Rin and Yukio are at completely different places. Rin's ready to put everything on the line to save Yukio, to bring him back, to be with him - the only family he has left, the one he arguably loves the most. Yukio on the other hand, has already resigned himself to his fate, and has gone way past the point of caring for anything or anyone, especially himself. Like an absolute level of i just don't give a fuck on every level conceivable. My heart is not ready to watch Rin having to face this nihilism in his brother. :/ I'm really wishing Rin literally punches sense and life back into Yukio, but I know it's super unlikely to happen.

On another note, Assiah's invasion by demons seems to be very much part of Mephisto's plan, but when he mentions the unpredictability of humans, I wonder if one of the biggest "variables" for him that's hard to control is Yukio. I think his eventual aim is to have Satan possess Yukio, since presumably that might be one of the only ways to "beat" him in Assiah? And then Mephy gets to be top dog and entertain himself with humans' play, which is possibly his endgame? Who knows.

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Other Manga & Anime / RWBY
« on: October 14, 2017, 08:51:23 PM »
Does anyone here watch the show, or is aware of it? :)

It isn't exactly an anime, but the style can be a bit similar at times, I suppose. Here's a link to the trailers:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGdjuMSVnwM


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